The Eureka Moment

I think my husband is reading Infidelity Bites. Either that, or he's started twelve-stepping.

In any case, he's spent the past couple weeks trying to explain what was going on in his head during "that time" without actually confessing the affair. Of course, I'm just as opaque, never quite managing to tell him, "honey, I know." So we hit all the high points -- love, commitment, trust -- without ever touching the nasty details. Which means that lately, instead of pondering the state of his love and fidelity, I find myself wondering what would happen if we just had it out. Cleared the air once and for all. Declared the past to be the past, and resolved to move forward from this really good place where we are now.

But I always stop short, a little afraid of what I might learn -- about him, but also about myself -- if we kept talking. It should be enough, I tell myself, that he's admitted behaving badly during our engagement. He's apologized as many ways as he knows how within the boundaries of our little dance. And though I've accepted all his apologies, I'm not sure I'm as good at telegraphing my forgiveness. I keep getting drowned out by the nagging voice in the back of my head that won't stop asking "WHY?"

Let it go, said the anonymous commentator. Wise words, indeed.


The Wife Who Knows