Christmas Plans

The holidays are here with a vengeance. My husband keeps thanking me for changing jobs, moving, and doing everything I can to create a distraction so he won't notice how much he hates this time of year.

Last weekend, instead of going to his office Christmas party, he came to the big city to help me find a place to live. Despite finding the perfect house in my old neighborhood, I agreed, for the sake of his sanity, to live outside of the city, on the water. We found a wonderful house, one that I hope we can talk the owners into selling if we like the community. Though I'm not crazy about the prospect of a commute that involves sitting in traffic for more than one cycle of Morning Edition, I figure that the trade offs are worth it.

Next weekend, instead of going to his favorite aunt's for a family celebration, he's coming back to the big city to explore our new neighborhood, and maybe start looking for a boat. I have graciously accepted the task of buying, boxing, and mailing gifts to all the people he will disappoint by his absence. I'm even letting him blame the fact that we're not going to be there -- even though we don't have a good excuse -- on me.

The following weekend -- Christmas -- we will be in the small town, at our house. I've told his immediate family -- siblings, not kids -- not to count on us at any time during that weekend because we'll be getting ready to move. What I didn't tell them is that my company has hired movers to do all the packing, loading, and heavy work for us. I don't mind spending the day with my in-laws, but I let my husband make the call. He may cave in to their peer pressure, but I'm not going to make him go. I am, however, going to buy, pack, and ship presents for everyone we'll miss.

I convinced him to go to my parents' house for a couple days between Christmas and New Years. My Mom and Dad live in the snow belt, and even though he likes them very much, he really likes riding their snowmobiles. Winter sports aside, I think the reason he agreed to go north with me is that he doesn't feel any pressure or expectations from my family. We're a much smaller and quieter bunch than his clan. No one minds if you disengage from the group by curling up with a book or going out to explore the woods or taking a nap. In contrast, his family is all stimulation, all the time.

We haven't decided what we're going to do for New Year's, but I'm sure we'll find a way to ignore that holiday too. It's worth missing all the celebrations to keep him -- us -- on an even keel during the transition. Next year, I can have my Christmas tree and he'll be ready to face his family because they'll know that the world didn't come to an end with him in the big city.

"Long December" by Counting Crows has become my theme song this season. "It's all a lot of oysters but no pearls..." It's a good thing I love oysters.


The Wife Who Knows