It's Always Something
My husband's ExWife has been vexing me lately. For most of the time we've been together, she's been a fairly benign presence in our lives. Unlike the Other Woman, she's never done anything to overtly sabotage me or my relationship with my husband. But she is a drama queen who needs to be the center of attention. And after 20+ years with my husband, she knows all the right buttons to provoke a response from him.
My biggest beef with ExWife is that she can't hold a job. In the three years I've been on the scene, she's gone through at least eight minimum wage positions, including -- according to a friend who was there -- a disastrous two-day stint as a barista. Her parting shot when it was suggested that she might be better suited for something else? "I shouldn't have to work."
I've always been a worker, so I don't get her attitude. Especially since her latest go-round with my husband has been about the kids' insurance. My company provides amazing benefits, and I'm able to get comprehensive family medical and dental coverage for a couple hundred dollars a month. I even splurged for the most expensive, nationwide PPO so the kids wouldn't have to change doctors. I wonder if I told her how much I'm out of pocket every month for that $12 co-pay, whether she'd still insist that we owe her $6 for every doctor visit?
We were down in the Small Town on Friday night, out with friends, when I learned that ExWife actively resents me. I don't know why this bothers or surprises me. I mean, she was the one who sowed the seeds of her own demise by cheating on the indulgent husband who enabled her life of leisure. And even though I didn't come along until months after the divorce, she still blames me for her current predicament. It's like she believes that if I hadn't married her ex-husband, he'd still be there to bail her out.
My husband feels a twinge of responsibility toward ExWife; after all, she is the mother of his children. He's gotten pretty good, however, at curbing his instinctive need to save her every time she has a crisis. So as long as he never crosses that line, I'm content to let him handle her however he feels best. Which means that as much as I'd like to tell her off, I doubt I ever will.
The Wife Who Knows
posted by The Wife Who Knows @ 11:25 AM
4 Comments:
"I shouldn't have to work." Aahhh, the ole' meal ticket lottery prize of getting married. Isn't entitlement grand?
Good for you for holding your tongue (can't imagine how hard that is) and providing great benefits for the kids. You took the high road in a lot of ways.
Karma points coming your way soon, I'm sure.
Sorry, this isn't a comment about this post, despite it being worthwhile and interesting! I am a person who has also suffered infidelity and your blog speaks to me eloquently. My d-day was 8/1/05 andd I am still recovering. I started a blog to document my understanding of my spouse's affair and try to purge it. Feel free to visit- warning it might be triggering. It's also a way to put the story out into the open air since, I like you, chose to only reveal it to one friend. Anyway- sorry to intrude if this is unwelcome. Please just disregard if so. I will enjoy following your progress and it may insspire a similar journey for me in the future! PS- there's a great website called surviving infidelity that provides several great, healthy and balanced forums for this stuff. Peace( )
Long time no post! I wanted to relay a book recommendation you might find useful: After the Affair, by Janis Spring. Someone I trust turned me on to it, and it explained a lot -- and best of all, helped me move on, I mean REALLY move on. Good luck.
That's a great book! Good recommendation. I've been doing some therapeutic revenge work by developing a blog written from the OtherWoman's perspective and posting it online! I suppose some think it's weird but for me it makes me feel more like I have something to say not just a victim. My karmawendy line says it all!
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