Let's Recap
Five months into a whirlwind long-distance relationship, my husband asked me to marry him.
Within a month of saying yes -- while I was making plans to move to the small town -- he started having second thoughts about the engagement.
Six weeks after we promised to spend the rest of our lives together, we spent our first weekend apart. He used the opportunity to assert his independence by sleeping with The Other Woman.
A few weeks later, while I was looking for a job, my husband's one night stand intensified into a full-blown affair; it peaked in the two-month period after I accepted a position and was winding down my life in the big city.
Six months after our engagement -- or four months after he began his affair, depending on how you want to count -- and despite an overwhelming sense that his commitment was waning, I moved to the small town to be with my husband.
Shortly after I settled in, I started traveling two weeks a month for work. My frequent absences gave my husband enough freedom to continue his affair with reckless abandon. I'm still amazed I never caught him.
Four months after I moved in with him, my husband began encouraging The Other Woman to find another job. Their relationship would improve, he said, if he wasn't her boss.
One month later, after she put up a hell of a fight, he fired her for insubordination. This was the end, he told her.
Two weeks later, my husband hired The Other Woman back as an independent contractor to get himself out of a jam. They had one last fling while I was out of town on a week-long business trip.
Two weeks after that, he broke it off with her for good -- the same weekend we set a wedding date.
Two weeks later, she FINALLY took a new job and moved 100 miles away.
Six weeks later, and only two weeks before our wedding, my husband told me that The Other Woman was threatening to "bring him down," threatening to hurt me, and threatening to disrupt our wedding. I accepted his explanation -- "She's crazy" -- without question, and took steps to protect myself. This is the point at which that 20-20 hindsight really kicks me in the ass.
Two weeks later, I had security guards stationed in the parking lot and patrolling the grounds around the chapel to keep her away.
Five hours after we said "I do," my husband showed me a text message from The Other Woman, wishing him a happy life. Dismissing her for the millionth time as "crazy," he promised to have nothing to do with her, ever again.
* * *
Flash forward nine months after the wedding when I discovered that pretty much everything my husband ever said to me -- about us, about The Other Woman, about our life together -- was a lie.
Two months later -- sleep deprived, not eating, and barely able to catch my breath -- I started writing Infidelity Bites to sort it all out.
Eight months and 63 posts later, I'm not quite through it, but almost.
The Wife Who Knows
posted by The Wife Who Knows @ 10:21 AM
5 Comments:
Does this mean you're that much closer to ending this blog's journey? Or will we continue hearing from The Wife Who Knows; just in a different light?
What a journey! You sound like a strong and independent woman. I can so totally relate to your blog as I am going thru a similar process. What's real and what's not is totally on it's end. I can't tell where I am sometimes and I stumble thru my marriage and mothering working on keeping grief and fear at bay. This even tho my H is repentant and I can see that it was a 1x brief lapse in himself under great duress. I feel for you and all the rest of us who love and choose to trust someone who hurts us. I hope you continue to write- I will miss reading it.
She's not a blithering idiot. she's human. she lives in the real world. she's honest. she's strong. all the truly "happy people" are insightful enough to know life is messy.
Love is a battle field for some while for others it is heaven. I wish you an easy ride in your next relationship!
Infidelity is a cruel thing but needs to be talked about more rather than swept under the carpet. My own Blog aims to do that.
What an ordeal, I am going through a similar thing with my wife, trying to get a grip on all the lies, she has created many versions of her life and has had it all come crashing down around her, as with you I was unaware of the infidelity, and now when it all comes to light years later I get to deal with the last decade of my and my children's lives being a lie... any advice on how to move past the pain? I'm stumbling as are you, I cannot fall as I am now primary care giver and provider, This is all a nightmare I cannot wake from.
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