My Space
My husband has a My Space account. He started it mostly to keep up with his kids, who all have accounts. So far, I've resisted the urge to hop on that bandwagon. To me, My Space has a creepy, cult-like feeling -- look, it's your first friend Tom! -- that I don't get from Blogger. That being said, it's a really good way to keep tabs on the kids and their friends from a distance. Their sites are pretty tame when you consider what's out there, but I doubt they'd post some of the things they do if they thought we were looking.
It's also a good way to keep tabs on my husband. Most of his "friends" are either family, people we knew back in the Small Town, or his favorite musicians. He has, however, added a couple people he's met since we moved. One of these new "friends" is a girl his kids' age he met at a jam he found through a local music list serve. He came home that first night singing her praises -- New Friend is talented, ambitious, and knows "everyone."
He introduced us at one of the jams. She is talented, but so focused on her music that she comes across as one-dimensional and sort of immature in conversation. When you consider the more-than-20-year age difference, it's not terribly surprising that we didn't find much in common.
Except my husband.
They post a lot of cute-sy messages on their My Space pages. When I asked why he always addresses her as "Hey Gorgeous," he told me that it's just a little harmless flattery to keep in her good graces. After all, "she's going places," and "she knows everyone."
"Okay, fine," I said, "if anyone knows the importance of a good network, it's me."
I may have changed the subject, but I'm not sure I've changed my mind. My husband's dismal track record with "friends" makes it very hard for me to see his on-line flirtation with New Friend as anything but a red flag. I don't want to blow this out of proportion, but I think Ronald Reagan said it best:
Trust -- but verify.
The Wife Who Knows
posted by The Wife Who Knows @ 3:12 PM
12 Comments:
This is a chilling entry. And I feel the same way about mySpace. I think I’d really freak about that “gorgeous friend” – yuck! Thanks for thinking of me. I’ve actually been near exploding with all the things I need to get out on a blog. I’m close to posting an entry, something to open up this next dam. Thanks for caring!
I check in on you almost daily. Between your silence and Larry3000's absence, it's been pretty lonely out here.
TWWK
Hmmmm, doesn't feel right. Trust the red flags.
I'm sorry you have to live this.
I was told about this blog a while back and after reading through several of your very well-written diatribes, I just gotta ask: Why do you stick with this dope? And why don't YOU go out and have some "fun?" If your husband is flirting with other women, sleeping with other women, what are you doing about it? Do you think he's gonna do a quick U-turn back to you? Talk about having his snack cake and eating it, too... I guess, after a while, I don't get what you're doing other than pining here. I say find yourself a lumberjack and do a little sawing!
Of course, be sure to tell us abou tit!
This is to Anonymous: She shouldn't have to degrade herself to be vindictive towards a husband she has already tried forgiving. The main thing here is that while he cheated before they married, he has kept to his vows they've made in front of God and she has also honored those vows. Anonymous, if you're married and your spouse does anything wrong then I will pray for your marriage considering an "eye-for-an-eye" could quickly cause a divorce.
Sorry you have something else to worry about. Chin up!
Why do you stay? What is the payoff?
Red flag central. What a big dummy.
(Sorry. Not one to mince words.)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
BTW, was calling *him* a dummy, not you!
Oh, my, god, what a bunch of shamefull entries. It reminds me of a cancer patient listserve because the ones who go on with their lives and generally survive hardly ever write. I'm sorry you feel so sorry for yourself that you can't trust anything your faithful husband does. I'm also sorry for others here who roll in their own misery. Most of all, I'm sorry this cancer will destroy your relationship.
Thank you, you are exacty right. Do you really think a marriage should end over your husband calling another woman gorgeous? If so, mine would have ended at the wedding because that's what I called all the bridemaids. Since My Space comments are public, he probably knows you read it. He's either trying to make you jealous, or this is just the way he communicates and he thinks you trust him. I don't know enough about this to really judge. I assume there has been fresh evidence to support your mistrust? If there is not, you really should move ahead. You'll never enjoy this marriage if you are always looking over your shoulder.
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