Mothers Day
I put a package in the mail today for my mother, hoping that four days will be enough time to get it there before Mothers Day. My parents don't live off the grid, but they're close -- their tiny, backwoods community makes the Small Town seem cosmopolitan by comparison. They bought this place as a sanctuary when I was in college, and moved there full time when my dad retired several years ago. They still own the house I grew up in, though they spend less time there every year.
I love my mother. But I've spent my life determined not to be her. From puberty on, any time I found myself in an uncertain situation, I asked myself, "What would Mom do?", and then I did the opposite. I don't mean this as a criticism of her. She taught me many things that have served me well -- how to write a gracious thank you note, how to bake a pie, how to maintain long distance friendships, how to fill up a library card, how to keep my eye on the ball (literally) -- but Mom's world was way too small for me. I knew early on that I had to get out or I would die.
If she had dreams, she never told us about them. Coming of age in the 1950s, maybe she was hardwired to be June Cleaver, but I always thought Mom would have been happier if she'd been able to get away from her family for a few hours a day. When she was seven months pregnant, however, the women in her office threw her a shower and wished her a nice life. There was no maternity leave in those days -- if she had wanted to go back to work after her baby was born, she would have had to reapply just like anyone else off the street. She didn't go back, even though I'm pretty sure she would have liked to.
Since it's Mother's Day, I'll stop wondering if Mom has regrets about swapping a career for kids. Instead, I'll wonder whether I'll ever regret that I wasn't brave enough to find out if I would have been any better at it than she was.
The WIfe Who Knows
posted by The Wife Who Knows @ 9:59 PM
6 Comments:
I think I will be the type to become a woman like your mother. Success has never interested me, but a husband and children have. My great uncle has been trying to push me to be a working woman because he said times have changed where a man will expect you to work, be a wife, and be a mother all in one. He went on to tell me that you can't depend on a man because they're people; they change and may someday leave you with nothing if it's possible. I still hold onto hope, though.
Happy Mother's Day- we all give birth to ourselves as we move through the great birth canal called life! You are courageous and obviously able to look at your life and reflect. Isn't that what blogs are all about!
Let me see if I have this right:
I've been reading this blog for a while now and in reviewing some missed posts of late I am shocked to discover this very nice writer with deep emotions is moping and pining and wisping and looking over her shoulder about a fairly new husband who cheated on her . . . only that he did it BEFORE they were married?
Are you f-ing kidding me?
Webster's is a little general on this subject but it surely states that "infidelity" is "sexual unfaithfulness of a HUSBAND or wife."
Not boyfriend, fiance, nextdoor neighbor, milkman, telephone man or anyone else. Husband.
All of this poor-pitiful-me garbage and he wasn't a husband yet. And you confess he's been true blue since the marriage except for some paranoid feelings of insecurity with petty flirting.
Good grief. What a waste of time. What a waste of good life. You knew about the guy's "dalliances," not infidelity, and YOU married him anyhow but now you're an emotional train wreck who paints herself in this blog as a bird wounded by a horrible cat.
You had me there for a while. Very nice writing. But after this discovery, I would like to see Dr. Phil reach over and slap you sensible and say, "get over yourself."
You put yourself in this position, not him. You're not a victim. Move on internally, or get out of the marriage.
Yeesh.
No, it is the same point I have been making, that she must move on or destroy what sounds like a potentially happy marriage. Her paranoia over what she sees as a flirtatious comment is very telling. Infidelity, yes. Adultry, no. Whatever it is, move ahead or you will never grow.
I *AM* moving past it, but it gets hard when something -- like a throwaway comment that wouldn't have meant a thing if he hadn't cheated -- reminds me that he was not always true blue.
TWWK
The bigger point: She knew all this stuff, she STILL married him. And look where she is now? If she has any courage, any sense of self-esteem or security, she would have never married him. Instead, she keeps pining and sliding down an abyss of paranoia and mopiness. Surely her husband sees this...it's so unattractive. The poor, pitiful victim...of themself!
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